first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
