so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
