So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
