We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
