Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
