Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
