Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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