Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
