dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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