rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
