Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
