God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
