Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
