the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
