Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
