i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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