What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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