i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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