I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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