I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
