Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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