He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
