I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
