So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
