I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
