2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
