the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
