I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
