Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
