i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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