god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
