Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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