i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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