but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
