i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
