I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
