Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
