I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
