Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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