i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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