My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
