I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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