Just fell off a train. Bad.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
