i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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