I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
