Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
