I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
