I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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