Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we have pet lesbian snakes
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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