This girl is more easily done than said...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
